If insults are detected, no words can be too harsh to describe this vile Brown, this deflowerer of our hard-won national dignity, this despoiler of the restraint and courtesy that characterises the Australian parliamentary tradition.
To add injury to insult, one of Brown's foul accomplices had the temerity to brandish a piece of paper at the President. As well as deploring the real physical danger involved (paper-cuts can be very nasty), one can only marvel at the insensitivity of those who would publicly wave printed matter at a man clearly burdened by chronic dyslexia. No wonder alert government members, led by our doughty PM, swiftly formed a barrier around the President's frail form to save him further humiliation.
If only our nation were so spared. These shameful events were broadcast internationally, inviting condemnation from the three people not watching reality television at the time. Mme Lebrun, of Dijon, found herself 'stupefied', Herr Kreis, of Dortmund, sadly averted his gaze from his Grundig and Mr Watanabe, of Kobe, raised his left eyelid, indicating crushing disdain. Thanks to you, Senator Brown, the flicker of interest in Australia kindled during the Sydney Olympics telecast, and tended so carefully since by our fine young sporting ambassadors, has died in three foreign hearts.
What ordinary Australian could possibly disagree?