Why would master do this? Why he tricks us, and betrays us?
No, it couldn't have been master! Master is good and kind, and gives us wriggly fishes from his table, so juicy sweet! No, no, never master!
But why would the names of lady spiesies be in the newspapers? It's so confusing, it makes our brainses feel all swirly and bad!
No, master never said those nassty things! Never! It was the lady spysy herself who did it, never master! Gollum! Gollum!
It must have been ... libruhlss!! Yes, libruhs, all conspirings and scheme-ings! Tricksy, sneaksy, and false! Libruhls have always hated the precious! They want to destroy the precious! But we won't them, will we, precious! We will wring their necks!
This puts a whole new spin on a late-night conversation with a friend passionate about theology and Tolkien. 'Bush is a wraith', my friend said, 'he's told so many lies to get where he is that there's nothing left of him.' After Wilsongate I am beginning to agree.