AUSTRALIA'S PM SAYS HE WILL GO IT ALONE
Changes in American geopolitical strategy overnight have left the
international community reeling. In an early morning announcement to a
stunned press conference Secretary of Defence Rumsfeldt announced that
America will 'Lead the world in disarmament and by beating our
swords into plows, feed suffering humanity.' He also called for 'realistic
and sustained efforts to rid the world of weapons of mass destruction, most
of them regrettably owned by the USA.'

Prime Minister John Howard, although clearly shocked by this heaving US
de-escalation, announced that Australia would respond by disarming New
Zealand, by force if necessary.

'This isolated state controlled by a socialist party dominated by a brutal
woman in trousers is an affront to civilisation. We have persuasive evidence
that they have or will, at some indefinite future date, possibly form an
intent to acquire weapons of mass destruction. We must pre-empt that intent
immediately if not sooner.'

Pressed on the likelihood of New Zealand representing a direct threat to
Australia Mr Howard produced figures on the number of New Zealanders who have
moved to Australia.

'They have been infiltrating Australia for many years, slowly forming a
sizeable fifth column of potentially deadly force.'

An emotional Mr Howard said he hated war but the sword had been forced into
his hands. He produced photos of New Zealand freighters proceeding towards
Australia.

'What is to stop them", he said, "from hiding a deadly weapon aboard one of
their ships and sailing into Sydney harbour? Australia lies defenceless
before the potential New Zealand menace.'

AAP Rooters, 14 March 03